The Stagnant is The Current’s annual April Fools Day parody issue, published the first Monday in April.
THEATER REVIEW – PHOTO: A scene from ‘Parking: the Musical’ which debuts at SLUM on April 1 – By Mrs. Flaherty, Peon for The Stagnant – It is rare to have a musical written about your university. It is even rarer for it to be so accurate. This spring, That-Onehill features the debut of… Read More STAGNANT: 'Parking: the Musical' debuts at SLUM
ART EXHIBIT PREVIEW – PHOTO: Prof. Gander at work on his art installation – By Cranky Maven, Arts and Evils Editor for The Current – Prof. Goosey D. Gander, professor of fine arts at SLUM, has opened his first campus art exhibit, an installation of organic sculptures around Buggy Lake. Prof. Gander is… Read More STAGNANT: Goose prof debuts organic sculpture around campus' Buggy Lake
GAME REVIEW By James Bond, Staff Peon for The Stagnant “College Simulator” is a point-and-click style game for PC developed and published by independent developer Melethia Dagon. Now this is not the typical Japanese school/dating simulator that focuses on high school kids. No, this game focuses on being a young adult going… Read More STAGNANT: College can be fun with ‘College Simulator’
– STAGNANT NEWS PHOTO: SLUM brought in heavy equipment to dig for treasure buried on campus. Photo by Shutter Me for The Stagnant 2014 © By Damyell P. Dexter, Peon, and Sharin’ Alyobiznes, HBIC for The Stagnant From Ben10 Hall to the Century Student Center, construction crews have been hard at work all around… Read More STAGNANT: University hides treasure hunting with construction, no one fooled
– STAGNANT NEWS PHOTO: Honors College’s long-time Associate Dean Glenson says tearful goodbye, departing for Elder position in Transylvanian vampire colony, which looks suspiciously similar to Honors College’s Provo Hall. Photo by J.Lo for The Stagnant 2014 © By Hammered Nutjob, Mangling Manager for The Stagnant The Piers Morgan Honors College (PMHC)… Read More STAGNANT: Honors College's Glenson accepts Elder position in Transylvanian vampire colony
– STAGNANT NEWS PHOTO: Enraged by bad food, students fought to the death in the Chew cafeteria at SLUM. Photo by Smooth Mama for The Stagnant 2014 © By Andy Snitch, Peon for The Stagnant A crowd was spotted having a vicious food fight in the Chew last week. Ten individuals were reported to… Read More STAGNANT: SLUM food incites anger, brutal fights ensue
– STAGNANT NEWS PHOTO: In a fit of anger, SLUM student Charlie Peterwacker returns to the shuttle stop where she claims she almost died waiting. Photo by Smooth Mama for The Stagnant 2014 By Simon Says, Peon for The Stagnant Several students were found unconscious at two SLUM shuttle stops last Tuesday morning.… Read More STAGNANT: SLUM shuttle bus frustration reaches boiling point
– STAGNANT FEATURES PHOTO: Would you go in there? Not me. Photo by Norm DePlume for The Stagnant 2014 By Valley Girl, Paper Girl for The Stagnant Over the course of SLUM’s history, there have been a plethora of rumors claiming that Pro Hoe is haunted. This year, one SLUM student set out to… Read More STAGNANT: Haunted Pro Hoe revealed, after student explores secret passages underneath
– STAGNANT SPORTS PHOTO: After zombie transformation, SLUM baseball Trydons literally killed it. Photo by J.Lo for The Stagnant 2014 By Sammy Da Man, Ball Chaser for The Stagnant On March 29, the SLUM men’s baseball team faced off in a doubleheader against Rockhurst. The SLUMs struggled in the first game, falling 1-3 to the Hawks,… Read More STAGNANT: Zombie Baseball Trydons Dominate Rockhurst in 2-1 Victory
– STAGNANT SPORTS By Dr. Phil Uponya, Sporty Peon for The Stagnant As global competition within the job market intensifies, SLUM’s board of dictators has introduced a new idea to help weed out their top contenders from weak pretenders. Borrowing a page from the YA Dystopian craze that is stifling the nation, SLUM is hosting… Read More STAGNANT: Students kill for jobs in first annual SLUM 'Hunger Games'
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